FYI

I have created a new blog on here. I was in the Joplin tornado May 22nd and it has really messed me up. I have not been working on my food or anything, but I need to write about everything going on in my head so I started another blog. Follow if you like.

Going rather well. :)

Sorry it has been a while since I posted anything, but things have been going pretty well. I have been watching what I eat.. posting on sparkpeople.com, walking everyday with friends and my gym membership started at the all girl gym here in town. Since the beginning of may I have lost 12 pounds. :) Im down to 279 now. I can't wait till it says 179. lol.. But I thought I would just write in for a moment.. Will try to post more later.

03/22/2011

BREAKFAST: 2 eggs, 1 slices of toast w little butter.....270 calories

SNACK: 1 large figi apple with cheese stick ........190 calories

SNACK: 5 saltine crackers........60 calories

LUNCH: beef strips w veggies....420 calories

SNACK: 1 small banana with peanut butter...180 calories

COFFEE: 120 calories


Total calories.....1240 calories

its 4:30.. and im trying not to eat anything because I will be going to the bar later and having a beer or too.. and they are 110 calories each.. and I might have a few chips. I do not want to get over 1500 calories!

Made the mistake of weighing this morning

Weighed this morning.. Im not saying what it is. >.<. Aunt Flo is still visiting, so im not too sad about it.

BREAKFAST: 1 small banana...90 calories

LUNCH: 1 salad.. .. 240 calories

DINNER: 1 hamburger and fries

Snacks.. 2 Skinny Cow ice cream bars: 200 calories

Total calories: 530 before the hamburger and fries. Less than 1000 calories it was.. so its good.

Still going.. kinda

So.. Im not doing so well. Im going over my calorie limit each day. I know im not eating as much as I used to.. but I still KNOW. I hope to be at least the same weight next week as I was last week. If I gain, I will be sad, but its my own fault. I need to stick to grocery shopping, and stick with a meal plan of some sort like I WAS doing at the beginning of this journey. I can still lose up to the 30 pounds, just gotta get back on track.


BREAKFAST: 1 cashew cookie LaraBar... 230 calories

SNACK: cheese.. 200 calories, 1 large Fugi Apple.. 110: 310

SNACK: Crackers..120 cal

LUNCH: Steak strips and veggies.. 420 calories

SNACK: Chocolate covered raisens... 210 calories

DINNER: 1 small banana: 90 calories


NOW.. if I had just gone home I would have been good on my calories. But.. nope. I went to a friends house and had 2 pieces of pizza and two bread sticks. >.<

Total calories: 1380 calories

Should weigh.. not gonna

So due to Aunt Flow, not weighing this week. I dont want to be depressed.

BREAKFAST: 1 Power bar... 250 calories

SNACK: 1 small banana, 1 tablespoon of peanut butter. 185 calories

SNACK: Saltine crackers: 70 calories

LUNCH: Spinach Walnut Salad: 300 calories, 2 bread sticks 80 calories (380)

SNACK: 1 1/2-2 cups of cantelope: 100 calories or less

DINNER: Larabar: 200 calories.... mixed nuts 170 calories

SNACK: 1 bottle of orange juice: 190 calories

TOTAL CALORIES: 1,545 calories

Carb day!!! >.< Darn mother nature

BREAKFAST: 1 biscuit (about 128 calories) with sausage gravy (200?) 328 calories

SNACK: 1 whole wheat pita bread... 220 calories with hummus.. 100 calories (320 calories)

SNACK: Girl scout cookies...140 calories

LUNCH: 1 large salad. (1 hardboiled egg.. 70 cal, 2 cups of lettuce, 1/2 cup of tomato/cucumber/green onion.. little cheese and 2 tablespoons of ranch dressing and about 2-3 slices of lunch meat. 300 or less

DINNER: 1 whole wheat pita bread... 220 calories with hummus.. 100 calories (320 calories)

SNACK: Girl scout cookies....140 calories


TOTAL: 1548 calories ... days not over yet. :(


STOP EATING!!!!

Into the 4th week

I have not been posting much lately, for that I do appologize. I haven't actually been online much lately either, and so because of that, I have not blogged. Things are going pretty well. I have lost almost 7 pounds in the first 3 weeks. :) Wish it was more, but I am not pushing myself to the extreme, and 2 pounds a week is pretty good. Now, THIS week I might not weigh myself, due to the fact that it is going to be my Moon time and im pretty sure to gain about 3 pounds of fluids, so I do not want to depress myself, I will probably just weigh in next Thursday, not this one.

BREAKFAST: 2 small sausage/egg/cheese burritos that were more torilla than anything else. Both together probably had a 1 cup of sausage, 1/2 cup of cheese or less and about a cup of scrambled eggs.

SNACK: Mixed nuts: 170 calories

LUNCH: 1 quesadilla with chicken/lettuce/cheese/refried beans, some chips.

SNACK: 1 banana, 5 saltine crackers

(Im not doing so well today..and I blame it ALL on mother nature!!! lol.. and the fact that I have no will power today... >.<)

Dinner: 1 banana and string cheese

I should be counting the calories today, but due to the fact that I have NO idea how many was in breakfast or lunch, I really can't. I need to go grocery shopping! That will be tomorrow. :)

Trying the veggie thing again..

I miss the feeling that I had when I ate a vegan diet high in raw foods. Im going to attempt to bring that feeling back. It will be a progress.. not going to happen overnight.

BREAKFAST: coconut/mango/banana smoothie (2 medium bananas, 1 large banana, 2 small yellow mangos and 1 young coconut water) ... about 600 calories

SNACK: 10 oz (283g) of Grape Tomatoes w a little sea salt. ....75 calories

SNACK: saltine crackers....60 calories.... chocolate.. 60 calories. = 120 calories

LUNCH Spinach walnut salad... 300 calories

SNACK: crackers with peanut butter. 160 calories

If I had just gone home last night.. I would have done GREAT calorie wise.. but.. I went to a party and well.... today was blown. lol That is all

TOTAL: 1255 calories

Week 3 starts and weight loss!

Sorry I did not post anything yesterday. Twas a busy day and I just kinda forgot. Foodwise yesterday though.. breakfast was some left over vegitarian mexican food. Little calories. Snacked on veggies throughout the day and then dinner was Mexican at a restraunt. Did not do so well, but Im forgiving myself. The chips did me in. Im a chip addict. SOOO bad. lol. However, I weighed myself yesterday and I had lost 2 pounds my second week! Woot! So, so far I have lost about 5 pounds. Thats a pretty good amount for just 2 week. Soon I the 30 pounds will be gone and I can work on another 30. :)

Im am starting to work out now. Yoga is going to be a major part of the work out routine. I need to get some walking in as well.

I am really wanting sweets. I had made the mistake of buying girlscout cookies before I started this journey and I keep a box in my desk at work. I only allow myself two per day, but man, they are tasting so good right now I just want to dig in! Im taking the box home with me tonight and only bringing two to work with me. I am not really tempted to eat them at home. Its weird.

BREAKFAST: A little less than a cup of cottage cheese and some peaches. About 270 calories

SNACK: some veggies (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower and celery) with a little bit of ranch dip... 130 for the dip.. 40 for the veggies?

SNACK:1 coconut water = 80 calories, 4 saltine crackers = 60 calories... 140 calories

LUNCH:1 veggie burger with a few fries. Burger around 210? Fries about 150, the bread.. 79 calories.. Im going to say around 500 calories.

SNACK: 2 caramel Delites cookie 140 calories

DINNER:Mixed nuts.. 170 calories

SNACK: 1 chocolate chip brownie lara bar... 200 calories

Total for the day : 1590 calories... ugh. :(

Trying to be good today since tomorrow morning is my weigh in. Im a little nervous. I don't know why though. This past week I had been sick but there were a couple of days that I got close to 2000 calories. :( We will just have to see. I still have almost 3 full months!

BREAKFAST: 2 slices of toast and 2 eggs: 320 calories
SNACK: 1 fuji apple w cheese. 240 calories
SNACK: 4 mint girl scout cookies 160 calories

TOTAL:720 calories (will post more only 4pm)

day 13!

I am NOT feeling veggies today. They upset my tummy. :(

I am really hungry today and Im trying SOOOOO hard not to just pig out. My stomach will not stop with hunger pangs and Im drinking a crap load of water. UGH!

BREAKFAST: 1 cup cottage cheese with peaches... 270 calories

SNACK: veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, celery and carrots) with ranch.. although after a couple pieces of celery and broccoli, couldn't eat anymore So I had mixed nuts instead. 170 calories.

SNACK: 1 1/2 cups of strawberry pieces... 80 calories

LUNCH: veggies.. 140 cal, breadsticks (2) 80 calories = 220 I had originally got a salmon cup to eat with it, but it was yucky. So I had to get chicken strips. They are about 130 calories each. I took the bread off.. had about 3. Im saying about 300 calories. So total for lunch.. 520 calories.

SNACK: Girl scout cookie.. 140 calories

SNACK: more mixed nuts.. 170 calories

After I got off work I had some teriyaki chicken pieces because I was going to go to the bar and didn't want to get anything there. I think those might have been around 350 calories? And then when I went to the bar I had two small mixed drinks.. those were probably about 230 calories together? So.. looks like tuesdays are going to be the day that I go over on my calorie limit. lol

TOTAL: 1,930 calories

I feel myself slipping... day 12

For some reason I can feel myself slipping. I do not now why or how, but I just feel it. I usually go really strong for a few days when it comes to a diet and then I tend to fall back into the same ol crap and I am trying not to do that this time. Im coming on 2 weeks of reducing my calories. For some reason there is a fear that when I weigh in this week there will be like a 1 pound lost on the scale.. or nothing at all. And Im afraid to excersise more. I can gain muscle and lose fat and then the scale would not say an loss of weight and that in itself will sadden me. Am I relying to much on the scale? Ugh.. I hate this weight loss crap. I wish I had never gotten fat.

My neice lost 10 pounds in a week! Water weight? And I have a friend who has lost about 21 pounds since sometime in January. I hope to have some good results. I want to see baggyness in my clothes, especially my pants. I haven't changed my pant size in many many many years. Saddening.

Im watching the new season of the Biggest Loser... well catching up right now. I know it has been going on for a few weeks now, but I do not watch TV, so I am watching it on the Biggest Loser website. They motivate me so much, but seems like my butt wont get up and do all the work out required for fear of gaining weight. I wonder if they give a pound or two leeway for the women when its their time of the month. We GAIN like 3 pounds during that time of the month. If not.. its not fair. Just sayin.

Oh.. I really need to go grocery shoppping tonight. Im trying to reduce my meat intake so that means I will have to up my bean intake. Im not good at cooking beans. I am not good at cooking period. I have not used my oven in about 4 years.. just my stovetop. So.. because of this fact, I can't use my oven now without a serious clean that I think you would have to take the stove apart for. oops..

I NEED HELP! I need help thinking of healthy meals and snacks that do not require alot of ingredients, cooking and an oven. lol. I keep eating the same things over and over again. :(


BREAKFAST:bananas w peanut butter. About 400 calories (darn peanut butter and its calories)
Coffee and creamer. Creamer is about 70 calories, no idea about the coffee.
SNACK: Mixed nuts with sea salt.. 1oz: 170 calories
SNACK: Veggies and Ranch dressing.. about 90 calories

SNACK:1 girl scout cookie.. 70 calories
LUNCH: 6 inch veggie sub from subway on wheat bread, mustard and cheddar cheese. 295 calories
DINNER:6 inch veggie sub from subway on wheat bread, mustard and cheddar cheese. 295 calories
SNACK: mixed nuts...100 calories
TOTAL: 1490 calories.

(updated throughout the day)

11

SO yesterday my appetite came back. I had been doing good at getting low calories and then last night I had a carb attack. Rice fill me up! At about 2000 calories last night. Its better than 3000!! So today I am trying to be a good girl. :) I want to go out to eat soooo bad, but I think I just need to go grocery shopping and cook something. If I go out to eat I will be tempted to eat alot. UNLESS I go to Ruby Tuesdays and get a salad bar! Then I can eat as much as want as long as its mostly just veggies. :) Hmm.. I might do that later today. Salad sounds very very good right now.

Breakfast: 1 pecan pie larabar...220 calories
Snack: 1 apple and 1 apple carrot juice.....200 calories
SNACK: 1 fuji apple. 80 calories
DINNER: I went to Ruby tuesdays and had two salads. The salads had lettuce, cucumbers, zuccini, tomatoes, mushrooms, small amount of olices and hard boiled eggs, a pinch of sesame seeds, and about 3 tablespoons of ranch dressing combined. Also had about a 1/2 a cup of cottage cheese and a cup of this pasta creamy stuff. Then they offer these small biscuits.. had 3. So.. I have no idea how many calorie I had last night.. however by that time I had only had 500 calories, so i do not think there was 1000 calories in that meal. So, hopefully I did pretty good. *crosses fingers*

Total so far...??? calories

Trying to get better... not hungry, but hungry. Weird

BREAKFAST: 1 small mango, 1 banana.... 210 calories
SNACK: 1 lara bar... 200 calories
SNACK: 4 saltine crackers.... 60 calories (really? ugh)
LUNCH: spinach walnut salad... 300 calories
SNACK: 2 thin mint cookies... 80 calories
SNACK: mixed nuts.... 200 calories
DINNER: Rice with Indian food. First it started off with a cup and a half of rice and 1 serving of the indian food. But.. my appetite had come back... so I had another cup of rice with more food. Sooo.. im thinking my dinner was about 900 to 1000 calories!!!! Yeah.. trying not to beat myself up for it. At least my appetite is back. Just gotta control it now. lol

Never thought saltine crackers would taste soooooo good! And why do girl scout cookies have to have so many calories in just ONE freakin cookie! This saddens me GREATLY. :(


Total calories... 1950 to 2,050 calories

Fevers suck... just saying

So yesterday I only at about 900 calories due to the fact that I got sick. Around 4pm I started to develop a fever. It lasted until this morning. I have literally been in bed (other than to go to the bathroom and make ramen this morning) since 4pm yesterday. Right now my fever is gone, and that is GREAT. Im feeling lots better today though still have some issues with my lungs and now I am sneezing. Fun fun. I took the day off work as well so I can get better quicker. Really couldn't afford to, but I have to do what I have to do.

BREAKFAST: Chicken Ramen Noodles... 380 calories.
LUNCH: Steamed veggies w cheese...280 calories
DINNER: 1 1/2 cup of Rice and 2 servings Indian Food.....447 calories ( I was still hungry afterward so I had a little bit more. I say about 270 or less.)

Total calories: 1,377 calories

Week one weigh in...

Alright! The first 7 days of the 90 have passed and it is time to weigh in. Verdict is? 3 pounds lost. :) Yay! I do know that there will be weeks that I will lose one pound or even ounces, some that I might gain a pound.. but I need to remember that I need to focus on the whole, not just one week. As long as I am moving and eating right, in the long run the weight will come off. I do need to add more activity into my life. Thinking about getting a bike. One of the reasons is because the gas price is going so freakin high. Pretty soon I am not going to be able to afford to fill up my gas tank, so I need to find alternate ways of getting around. Getting a bike is better anyway.

Some people when they write blogs they blog about everything in one sitting. I update things throughout the day so if you do read these, its probably better to read them at night when all is said and done. Just letting you all know. lol. :)

Me at 291 pounds. With Cher impersonator Wayne Smith.

BREAKFAST: 2 eggs and 2 toast w butter ( I am going grocery shopping today. Need new breakfast ideas)........320 calories
SNACK: 1 Skinny cow chocolate bar...100 calories
LUNCH: Chicken flavored Ramen noodles. .....380 calories
SNACK: Apple/Carrot fruit juice.......120 calories

Total for the day: 920 calories. I got sick.. had a fever and did not want to eat.

Trying up upload pictures and they are taking forever. I think its because I am using wifi. No idea though. Pages have been taking ALOT longer lately to load and I get the page cannot be displayed error alot. Kind of irritating.

Im not going to be doing any working out today. Something is wrong with my lungs. I do physical activity and I get out of break quickly. If I have to cough, I started coughing alot and it really hurts. But then once it stops I feel perfectly fine. Hmmm

Alright, day number 7!

Kinda excited about tomorrow morning. Its my first weight in. Will get to see how much weight I lost this week. I am pretty sure most of it will be water weight, but that is better than nothing. :)

Today I have not eaten much. Have been feeling a little under the weather and so I think my appetite has been a little suppressed so that my body can focus on healing rather than digesting.

BREAKFAST: 2 eggs and 2 slices of toast w butter... 320 calories
LUNCH: 1 slice of bread w one small banana and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter... 340 calories


SNACK: 1 small slice of chocolate stuff.. no idea what it was, but it was good. Also had small handful of crackers.. looked like flaxseed? IDK
DINNER: 1 special K meal bar..... 170 calories
SNACK: 1 skinny cow chocolate bar.... 100 calories

TOTAL: 930 plus the chocolate and the crackers. The chocolate bar was small.. i will say about 250 for both? So total might be around 1180.. maybe 1200?

I went online and found that in order for me to lose about 2 pounds a week I need to eat a bout 1460 calories a day at a sedentary lifestyle. I am trying not to be sedentary so I need to re-calculate

A cheat day?

BREAKFAST: cottage cheese and peaches......290 calories
SNACK: veggies and ranch dip.....140 calories
SNACK: 1 banana.......100 calories.
LUNCH: Garlic Herb Shrimp tv dinner from healthy choice... 260 calories
SNACK: apple and cheese.... 200 calories
DINNER: 1 peanut butter and chocolate chip lara bar.. 230 calories
SNACK: Mixed nuts... 170 calories

Total: 1390 calories

So I have been thinking about having a "cheat" day. One day of the week where I allow myself to go over my calorie limit just so my body does not get used to the same amount of calories all the time. Anyone have any suggestions about this?


updated throughout the day

A little bit easier

Going on day 5. I have found that being at home it is easier for me not to eat. I think its because im not as bored as I get when im at work. When I am at home I can walk around, go somewhere, nap.. but at work I can only sit at my desk. Blah.

BREAKFAST: 2 pieces of bread, butter, and 2 eggs.. 320 calories
SNACK: Veggies and ranch dressing.... 140 cal
LUNCH: Pineapple Chicken Steamer.. 340 calories
SNACK: 1 banana.... 100 calories
DINNER: 1 apple and cheese... 200 calories
SNACK: dark chocolate... 60 calories
SNACK: Mixed nuts... 100 calories
SNACK: 1 banana......100 calories
Total: 1360+ calories

(updated throughout the day)

And on the 4th day... I want food.

So, yesterday I had a bit more calories that I should have, and it is thanks to going to the bar and having a Sex on the Beach. I DID dance last night at the bar, so hopefully I burned that extra bit off. So, Im sitting here at home, one of my days off and I just want to eat. I want to go get me a bag of chips, some queso, turn on netflix and just munch down while watching a movie. Or make some rice and eat a whole bunch of Jasmine rice and Indian food. Or, go to Walgreens and get a small thing of icecream and eat the whole thing... 4 servings. But, im not going to do neither of these things. I just had my breakfast of cottage cheese and peaches. I can wait on my next meal. How long does it take to break a habit or addiction??

BREAKFAST: 1 cup cottage cheese and peaches......290 calories

LUNCH: 7 pieces of bbq chicken pieces. Im saying around 300 calories.

SNACK: 1 skinny cow ice cream thingy.... 100 cal

DINNER
: Rice w Indian food.....505 calories

2 small mixed drinks.. about 200 cal
1 Skinny cow bar.... 100 cal

Total for the day 1,495 calories

Day..... 3!

BREAKFAST: 2 sliced of bread, butter and 2 eggs..... 300 calories

SNACK: Veggies and ranch.....ranch is 140 calories

DRINK: Coffee w creamer......creamer is 35 cal
SNACK: Mixed Nuts..... 170 cal

LUNCH: LUNCH: 8oz chicken breast = 220 cal, .75 cup of jasmine rice = 140ish cal, veggies 140 cal, bbq sauce.... 50cal... Total for dinner = 550 cal
DESERT: Chocolate = 60 cal

SNACK: 1 apple with 1 oz cheese.... 200 calories
DINNER: Lara Bar.....200 calories
SNACK: 1 cup of popcorn.... about 40 calories
DRINK: Sex on the beach.. about 280 calories (REALLY??? wow)

Total 1,975 calories plus

Its 2:25.. and im at 1,255 calories. Will probably end up being at around 1600 by the time I get off work. Im wondering something though. Im going to the bar tonight.. and would i be alowed to get to 1800 as long as I do some dancing? lol

02/18/2011 day number 2 of 30 pounds in 90 days

BREAKFAST: 1 cup of cottage cheese with peaches..... 290 calories

SNACK: 12 oz orange juice..........170 calories

Snack: veggies w ranch.... ranch = 140 cal Veggies...?

DRINK: Coffee with Creamer..... Creamer = 35 calories
LUNCH: 8oz chicken breast = 220 cal, .75 cup of jasmine rice = 140ish cal, Immunity blend veggies = 78 cal
SNACK: Mixed nuts = 170 cal
DINNER: 1 apple and 1 oz of cheese.. 200 cal
SNACK: 2 pieces of dark chocolate... 40 cal
SNACK: 2 bananas.....200 cal or less

Total: 1,683 cal

So yesterday I did pretty good. :) Between 1300 and 1400 calories. Not too bad. Though I need to limit the carbs I think, but the lower calories was well due to the fact that I am pretty sure I have been eating way more than that lately. Todays going to be a small challenge because I am going to be at work and I tend to mindlessly munch on stuff. I made some veggie baggies and I have apples and cheese, made some chicken and going to eat it with some veggies and rice. I also have mixed nuts to munch on as well, and some saltine crackers if things get really bad. Im pretty sure today is going to be an ok day.

I am not working out right now because its my moon time and my body just does not want to do anything. I have done research as well, and they actually say its not good to do strenuous activity when its your time of the month. Im sure yoga would be ok though..

So.. its 4:40pm, just eating the apple and cheese. ALREADY at 1400 calories and I have about 4-5 hours left before bed. Im PRETTY sure i will get hungry again later. I might have to skip out on the orange juice tomorrow so I can eat something later on. I have 2 bananas i could eat tonight.. or a Lara bar. The bar is about 200 calories and would satisfy my sweet tooth, and the bananas would be about 200 calories as well. 1600 calories is better than 2000-3000.. so I would just figure out which would fill me up more, though the Lara bar has more sugar in it. Oh.. decisions decisions. lol.

I was just sitting here looking at sparkpeople weighloss success stories. I find people who were my size and have lost alot of weight and look at their pictures It is VERY motivational. However, my fear of what my skin will look like when all said is done is very strong. Most of the women that i see im pretty sure did not have a stomach apron as large as mine. Im NOT looking forward to what my stomach and chest are going to look like, and Im too chicken to go into surgery. I hope this does not prevent me from losing all the weight I want to lose. Will look awesome in clothes, but will never want to be nake in front of anyone every again. Ugh. :(

OK, so its 8:09 pm.. i have about an hour before I go to bed, and I am STARVING. But.. I can't eat anything else because im already over 1600 calories. Im trying not to eat anything within 3 hours of bed. Going to kill myself for a few days. And Im wanting to go out tonight as well, but I have to work tomorrow and I know that if I go out, I will get a drink, go over my calories and I don't want to do that. And besides, I REALLY do not have the money to go out. I have realized how much money I have spent in the last month or two at the bar, and its crazy. I spend about 20 each time im there and im there at LEAST twice a week. *sigh*

My new mantra for a while.. "90 days is not that long" lol!!

30 pounds in 90 days

Foodage:
BREAKFAST: 2eggs and 2 slices of homemade (grain) bread w butter.... 300 calories
SNACK: 1 medium apple and 1 oz of cheese.... 200 cal
LUNCH: 2 slices of bread, 4 slices of turkey lunch meat, 1 slice of cheese and 1 tablespoon of mayo............280 cal
DINNER: 1 1/2 cup Jasmine Rice w 1 serving of Navratan Korma....505 cal
SNACK: 1 banana.....100 cal

Total: 1,385




Ok. So.. I have decided to start a mini goal thing. At the end of May is the Heartland festival. 5 day camping festival that I have gone to for a few years. I adore going however as a bigger woman it gets rather difficult walking all over the place all the time and there is a huge flight of stairs I have to tackle at least once a day. So, I have decided to attempt losing 30 pounds by then. Right now I am at 291, so my goal weight is 261. Aiming for between 1400-1600 calories per day. I do not think that is that bad of a goal? Do you ? 10 pounds a month is do-able. I am giving up my chips and queso at the bar and as a snack at home on my weekends as well as anything fried. Will have to watch my calories again and start working out at home. I have been doing some Yoga but I want to get a step and build up my leg muscles as well. (I will conquer those stairs! lol)

So, do any of you have any suggestions for me? Things that you have done that you found have worked?

One thing that always is on my mind regarding weight loss is excess skin. I have seen woman who have had the gastric bypass surgery done and the skin is just so bad. Those of you have lost alot of weight naturally, how have you dealt with the excess skin? Right now I have smooth skin. Yes its fat, but it is smooth. lol.

Freakin weather

So.. basically for the past 2 weeks, we have had nothing but snow, so this means that I have been stuck in my house doing absolutely nothing but watching netflix and eating. :( I have managed not to lose any weight at all. I need to lose the 8 pounds I gained and then keep going. The weather is warming up now, so I can do more. Tried doing yoga at home the air on the floor was so cold, just could not do it.

I have realized that I have a MAJOR carb addiction. It is more than most people I know. Something I really need to work on

january 21st

Breakfast: 1 cup of Jasmine rice with 1 tablespoon of butter and some basil leaves
Snack: 1 small blueberry muffin
Lunch: 1 turkey melt w cheese, small handful of fries
Snack: 1 bison jerky
Dinner: 1 large salad with chicken and turkey slices. Small amount of ranch dressing.



Soooo, I have managed to gain 10 pounds in a month. Im not happy at all. Its during my moon time right now so im hoping that a few of those pounds are from this time. I will weigh again after my cycle is over with. I wouldn't doubt it if i really did gain 10 pounds. I haven't been able to stop eating lately. Im ALWAYS hungry and I can't seem to satisfy any cravings I have. I think about food all the time and due to thinking about it I want it so much I give in and go get the ice cream im craving. I do not know what to do!!!!

I did not blog the past couple of days due to it being my birthday. Tuesday was my party and I had a BLAST. Drank too much, but it was all good. My actual birthday was Wednesday and I just stayed at home and lounged on the couch all day. I ate to many carbs and to much icecream. But good thing is that the icecream is out of my freezing now (into my belly) and I do not plan on buying anymore. When my income tax come in, im going to be paying off two bills that have really made me struggle money wise, so hopefully I will be able to afford more healthy snacks.

Tuesday tuesday.. birthday party time!

BREAKFAST: 2 small bananas and a luna bar
LUNCH: 6 inch chicken breast sub from subways.. all veggies exept the jalapenos and banana peppers, just a little mayo
DINNER/SNACK?: Same as lunch



I see that I eat alot less when I am not working. Why this is Im not quite for sure, since when Im home I watch alot of movies and am online alot. Is it mindless eating when Im at work, and if so, why do I not do it at home? Hmmm

I went to go try on bras today at Lane Bryant. I saddened myself because I could not find ONE bra that fit me because my chest is so large! I wanted to cry. Clothes shopping is the thing I hate the most right now to do. Nothing ever looks right, or its too glitzy and stuff for me. Finding bras.. forget it. But I NEED a new bra. My girls hang a little to low and they need to be lifted! I am not used to wearing underwire however, but I couldn't even find one of those. Thinking that I would need to lose at least 20 to 30 pounds before I can try a bra on again. Breasts.. you are such a burden... at least when you are this large. Not natural. :( I want to have a reduction done, but if I lose weight after the reduction, they will just get smaller. Can't win.

Tonight is my 31st birthday party. Tomorrow is the actual bday, but celebrating tonight. Im so excited. SOUNDS like 20 or more people might show up, but even if its just my few close friends I will be happy. Will be at my karaoke bar that I go to every Tuesday. Hopeing my guy friends are comfortable due to it being a gay bar. But I fee the must comfortable there because they gay community are so accepting and fun. Its where I chose to go. I am allowing myself to cheat tonight. I might have some potatoe wedges tonight at some point, and of course Im going to be drinking. Will have pictures tomorrow!!!

I can't wait till I am able to wear all the cute clothes that I see around. Right at this moment I am not into fashion. I dislike it, but truthfully I think the reason is because I can't wear what I want, so I shun it. Anyone else like that as well. Here are some of the styles that I would love to wear.

The above one is at www.senjoclothing.com

Yeah...Im an earth child.. though I dont look like it!!! Maybe if I made my own clothes....

Thoughts and Pics for Monday the 17th.

This was me in 2004 I think. Maybe it was 2003.. sad that I forgot the year my best friends got married!! I was the maid of honor. This was me at my highest weight

This is a pic of the whole brides mid outfit. Everytime I look at this picture it scares me. I can see myself gaining back the 40 pounds so easily. :(

This is me New Years eve 2010/2011. Black satin is NOT slimming. :(

And this is a size that Im am stiving to be at. Still has meat... but looks SO much healthier. I don't think my stomach will ever look like that however, not unless I get surgery done.

Random thought: Do skinny people keep fat people as friends, just to make them feel thin?

I had salad for lunch today. I had alot of salad.. feel like a pig, but I think its better than going to Wendys ya know. Though Wendys did sound really good. The fries with the sweet and sour sauce.. VERY yummy. I think today though I am already over my calories. This really sucks. People say I eat healthy. Yes, I think i eat healthier than alot of people, but to much of a good thing can be bad for you as well. And I think that is part of my problem to. That and carbs. I have always loved my bread and rice. To live without it kills me. *sigh*. Why did I let myself get this heavy. UGH!

Why can I not say no to food? Why can't I just push past the pain in my stomach and focus on the goal at hand? I do not want to be addicted to food anymore! I do not want to be addicted to carbs! I have thought about getting gastric bypass done... but that is not going to help me with the addiction. It will help me lose the weight, but that might only be temporary.. and it will also help me have alot more loose skin that if I did it the right way. But Im tired of being the fat friend. Just tired.... I have no wanting to excersise.. at ALL. A gym bores me so much, and working out at home bores me. I have though of getting a bike, but that might not be until it warms up. I like skating but I don't have skates or a good safe place to skate at. I want to swim, but not in front of other people. Im just full of excuses..

Here is a recent video from my youtube channel. I also on youtube with my journey as well. :)

January 17th, 2011...Foodage

BREAKFAST: 2 eggs, 12 grain Natures own bread with butter: 540 Calories

SNACK: 1 Yoplait Light Strawberry Yogurt.: 100 Cal... Im not eating this again. I totally forgot about the Aspartame and the High Fructose Corn Syrup! But I was hungry and didnt want to get a pretzel and cheese.. or something else bad for me.

SNACK: 2 small bananas w 2 tbsp peanut butter. 380 calories (Im starving for some reason. Im drinking plenty of water but my stomach is cramping alot. Hunger pangs. Phooey!)

SNACK: 2 reeses cups: 210 cal

LUNCH: 1 large salad with broccoli, zuccini, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, mushrooms, green peppers, sunflower seeds, little bit of egg, and a little bit of ranch dressing. Also had two of the biscuits Ruby Tuesdays gives with meals and some pasta salad stuff.. abou a cup.

SNACK/DINNER: 1 Snickers bar.. :280 cal (Was hungry.. had nothing here)

Around 1500 calories eaten without counting in the salad stuff. I suck! lol

So, I actually looked at the calories in what I eat for breakfast this morning..yeah.. a little more than I thought. Now I need to find a better breakfast for me that is still going to fill me up and not make me hungry in 2 hours.

I really need to go grocery shopping for better snacks..

Ok.. so I left work, went to the bar.. again and had a few potato wedges and a small Fuzzy Navel again. yeah.. soo.. THIS is why I am gaining weight. Good to know

Food for jan16th, 2011

I will be updating this post through out the day.. just an FYI

Breakfast: 2 eggs with 2 slices of whole grain bread with a little butter: about 350 cal
Snack: 1 small banana with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter : 187 cal
Snack: 1 Luna bar.. nutz over Chocolate: 180 cal
Drink: White chocolate mocha coffee from Starbucks. (medium sized) : About 500 give or take
Lunch: 1 turkey sandwich with a little mayo and cheese: about 400 cal
Snack: 1 chocolate raspberry luna bar : 170 cal
Snack/dinner: 1 small banana : 95 cal
Snack: .75 pound cataloupe : 160 cal or less... (it is less, could not eat all of it, tasted weird had about .25 of a pound)
Snack: 1 small banana: 95 cal

After lunch Im still hungry. I know that I should not have had that mocha today. I do not drink that stuff all the time, maybe once a week. I just wanted it today. I probably should have gotten the smallest size. ugh. And I know that Im going to eat more today.. probably a couple more bananas and peanut butter. Its only 6:50 pm and I do not get off work until 11pm.. and do not go to sleep until around 1 AM.

Damn Starbucks! lol...If it weren't for you today, I would have actually done pretty good. *cries*... But as of 9:00 pm.. im still under 2000 calories. And I have been extremely hungry today, and its all thanks to Mother Nature. Grrrr

I "snack" alot. Working 10 hour days I really only have 2 meals. Breakfast and lunch. I can't have dinner when i get home because its 11 and I do not want to eat 2 hours before I go to bed.

Ok.. so it is 12:24 am on Monday morning. Writing what I have eaten throughout the day really makes me see that I have some work to do. And the fact that it is out here for everyone to see.. yeah. After work I went to the bar and had a short Fuzzy navel and a few chips with cheese dip. Not much really. But.. if I had not had the coffee.. I might have been ok today. I figured I managed around 2000 calories today.. maybe a teeny tiny bit more. Lets us see what tomorrow brings.

January 16th, 2011.. Thoughts.

     Three more days and I will be 31. This is crazyness. lol. I still feel the same as I did when I was 19, however, I definitely do not look it. I had gained 60 pounds by the time I reached 23 years old! From 23 to right this very moment, I have managed to lose around 40 pounds and that is a good thing, but for the past year or two I have not been able to lose anymore weight. I keep gaining and losing the same 5-6 pounds. Im about to go nuts. I have tried a raw food diet and found it somewhat difficult to keep up with it. I tried to put meat back into my diet and eat high protein but my addiction to carbs is extreme, and I didn't like eating all that meat again. I need to find a happy medium.
     My weight has been effecting my emotions and life alot lately. All i want to do is be alone. I do not sit at home and eat my emotions away, but I just sit at home. Me and my cats. Yes.. i go out and I so enjoy being around my friends, but even then, lately I have been feeling off. I can't really discribe the off feeling I have, but its numbing sometimes. I feel that due to my weight, people do not want to be around me as much. I made a resolution to dance more.. but I feel retarded out there on the dance floor, even though I LOVE to dance. And since I will not go out there after my friends beg me, they think I am no fun. Maybe im not.. I don't know.
     I have PCOS. This makes it harder for me to lose weight. Found this out from my doctor at the end of 2010. This is also the cause of my hair thinning, and the fact that I have not gotten pregnant all these years. (that last part is a good thing actually). Also the fact that Im severely obese is the the reason why my hair is thinning as well. I no longer feel as pretty.
     Clothes shopping. Oh goddess.. one of the worst things in life for me right now. Nothing fits right exept plain t-shirts and jeans. Can't find a bra to save my life. I try pretty tops on and I hate the way they look on me. I think part of the mind-set is that I don't want to look all dressed up because that will put more attention to me and I dont' want attention due to my weight. The more a person looks at me, the more they will see the flaws. STUPID way of thinking.. I know. And really.. other than the weight issue.. my thoughts are pretty positive. I enjoy life, I love WHO i am.. the soul inside this diseased body. I have thought about surgery before many times, but I am too scared to go through with it and I KNOW that I can do this on my own.. or at least I try to be positive that I can. Maybe I can't. Maybe I need to go drastic, but then loosing weight that quick will depress me more because then I will have skin issues. It seems like it is a lose/lose situation.
    So these are my thoughts at the moment.
This picture was taken the beginning of the year. I luv my friens, but I hate these kind of pics.

Day #1 of hopefully a new beginning.

So, What I have decided to do is start writing about my weight loss efforts. Something that everyone can see and comment on, and hopefully this will provide me with advised and assistance that I need. Trying to lose weight on my own is a lost cause it seems like. Im only accountable to myself, and I do not think that is good enough. It drives me nuts because eating right and healthy is something I am passionate about, yet I do not fully practice what I preach, and this saddens me. So what im going to do is start a blog where I write down what I eat throughout the day, my thoughts on the whole weightloss thing, and anything else that pops into my head regarding the issue. What I am looking for from this, is for people to subscribe to my blog and help me out along the way with suggestion and comments on what they see and read... even if its "negative". Heres to a new Colleen for her 31st year!