Thoughts and Pics for Monday the 17th.

This was me in 2004 I think. Maybe it was 2003.. sad that I forgot the year my best friends got married!! I was the maid of honor. This was me at my highest weight

This is a pic of the whole brides mid outfit. Everytime I look at this picture it scares me. I can see myself gaining back the 40 pounds so easily. :(

This is me New Years eve 2010/2011. Black satin is NOT slimming. :(

And this is a size that Im am stiving to be at. Still has meat... but looks SO much healthier. I don't think my stomach will ever look like that however, not unless I get surgery done.

Random thought: Do skinny people keep fat people as friends, just to make them feel thin?

I had salad for lunch today. I had alot of salad.. feel like a pig, but I think its better than going to Wendys ya know. Though Wendys did sound really good. The fries with the sweet and sour sauce.. VERY yummy. I think today though I am already over my calories. This really sucks. People say I eat healthy. Yes, I think i eat healthier than alot of people, but to much of a good thing can be bad for you as well. And I think that is part of my problem to. That and carbs. I have always loved my bread and rice. To live without it kills me. *sigh*. Why did I let myself get this heavy. UGH!

Why can I not say no to food? Why can't I just push past the pain in my stomach and focus on the goal at hand? I do not want to be addicted to food anymore! I do not want to be addicted to carbs! I have thought about getting gastric bypass done... but that is not going to help me with the addiction. It will help me lose the weight, but that might only be temporary.. and it will also help me have alot more loose skin that if I did it the right way. But Im tired of being the fat friend. Just tired.... I have no wanting to excersise.. at ALL. A gym bores me so much, and working out at home bores me. I have though of getting a bike, but that might not be until it warms up. I like skating but I don't have skates or a good safe place to skate at. I want to swim, but not in front of other people. Im just full of excuses..

Here is a recent video from my youtube channel. I also on youtube with my journey as well. :)